The Jelly Pufflemur Christian Baiting Lazer Squad is a team of the most elite... ummm... people we could
readily find with one day's notice. Slade and me are pretty sure that this will create the misfit effect, wherein a bunch
of mismatched teens become a cohesive unit over various trials and tribulations and then kill the bad guy with some kind of
elaborate plan, like in all those horror films, or in the end of The Breakfast Club.
Anyhow the JPCBLS has a few jobs which I'll point out in order.
Job #1 is to find crazy arsed Christians, either on the web or in person. The internet is reccomended as
this will keep them from doing any violence or bombings against you. But there are a lot of crazies on the net, so how can
you tell the difference? Here's some general rules:
*Crazy arsed Christians love to use words like "saved, hell bound, aymen, halleleuja, our lord and saviour,
demon, satan" etc more than anyone. They also have an interesting idea of how capitalization works.
*They always hate homosexuals and womens rights, and they might also dislike blacks muslims or jews or the
majority of fellow Christians.
*They are ALWAYS old fucks with no idea of how to use the internet or connect with modern youth.
*They make several insane demands of government figures or of you.
*They see the devil in innocuous things like Harry Potter, Halloweeen, Grapefruit farming, or the Catholic
church(all of which have been documented on sites we've made fun of)
Job #3: Write up articles making fun of their sites and the lunacy therein. The most important thing to
do however is to send email to the crazy arsed Christian sites asking them to put up pornography, pro-gay
messages, some bad words, or maybe a few MP3s by Slayer so that their sites will gel better with the rest of the internet. You
can also just tell them their site sucks and their crazy, be creative.
As we all know this always results in hilarity, and those results are published here. Some members
may choose to do other things, such as steal mints and pamphlets, and this is certainly encouraged. Anyone wishing to join
can post to Saint Floppy Disk in the JPCBLS forum or use the email address in the classified files below.
