|
Imagine if you will, dear reader, my surprise when I got a certain message today.
I was typing away at a glorious Christian baiting article involving pancakes when suddenly the fiendish new alliance of Chyld
and Dr. Lecter accosted me! Before I knew it they were begging me, even resorting to threats, to get me to join with their
site. Was it wrong for me to pity such enemies, my friends? If so, than I must admit to having done wrong, for seeing how
they pleaded I could scarce control myself and might have agreed to their begging then and there had not common sense got
the better of me.
But I knew I had to be cautious. After all, consider the people I was dealing with:
Chyld has been a rival of mine since we were born, and perhaps even before that.
I distinctly remember being hit with a blast of Chyld spawned energy while still in-utero. Plus he totally Plotted with Paris Hilton. and stuff. Dr Lecter apparently has a site somewhere though the url is too long for any sane human being
to remember. Also, he’s a shopping cart full of sticky twats. Need proof, here’s his car:
So, in order to put on the front of being democratic whereas I actually run my site like Michael runs Tito, I consulted
with Slade and Sime:
Haunted Ethos : Why are you wasting so much money?
Haunted Ethos : Not even asian superheros need to buy nine kimonos, dude.
Haunted Ethos : That's so silly, I must go to bed. Good night.
ProjectVO1 : Feck off.
My consultation with Slade didn’t go anywhere, but then I had another:
ProjectV01 : my god man! there's a huge mechanical snake coming right at us... no don't shoot it, I want to study
its habits
Haunted Ethos : What?
ProjectV01 : I said, my god man, there's a huge mechanical snake coming right at us no don't shoot it, I want
to study it's habits. Jebus you philosophy majors just have to try to look for hidden meanings in everything
Haunted Ethos : I'm in IT.
ProjectV01 : in a sense, yes, but in another manner of speaking you're majoring in philosophy, the philosophy
of internet tech
Haunted Ethos : Regardless, I don't understand what you mean with your ramblings.
Haunted Ethos : I must sleep.
ProjectV01 : fair well, intrepid traveler
Finally I had my answer, from Simewise the Brave.
Shenanigans !:
Demand the first: The Jelly Pufflemur name should be withheld somewhere within the new alliance.
Demand the second: ?
Demand the third: Profit
ProjectV01 :
hmmmm
ProjectV01 : so then, you are in favor?
Shenanigans !:
Well, I see no reason why not. Granted, I don't share your distrust of Lecter, though. Let's face it, we haven't done much
lately. This may actually provoke us into awesomeness
ProjectV01 :
you don't? But he's a shopping cart full of wet sticky twat! Didnt you get the memo?
Shenanigans !:
To be honest, I find the idea of a shopping trolley full of wet sticky twat intriguing!
So, in that spirit, I have presented these articles of alliance for
the perusal of Chyld and Lecter:
Article one:
This treaty has been drafted by the law firm of Puffin, Lemur, Jellyfish and Associates.
That means it’s legal n shit.
Article two: Chyld, hereafter refered to as Chyld, and Dr. Lecter, hereafter refered
to as A Shopping Cart Full of Twat, shall agree to pay Jelly Pufflemur and those involved with them either professionally
or romantically, tribute whensoever it is demanded, and a six point five (6.5%) percent sales tax shall be levied against
all of those infringing hereafter upon the solemn oaths taken herein thereafter, forthwith, except in duty free zones, such
as Belgium.
Article three: All Jelly Pufflemur writers, or at least JM, shall have their own
individual location upon any site that shall come to exist, and be segregated from the rest of the offal therein.
Article three subsection A, on the segregation of offal: The segregation shall
include separate fonts, headers, latte machines, toiletrees, portmanteaus, hippopotami, and the capital of Nebraska is Lincoln.
Article four: A Shopping Cart Full Of Twats shall make a definitive statement on
whether or not he is in fact a shopping cart full of twats or, as Sime suggested, a shopping trolley full of twats.
Article five: There shall be a way provided for my lazy ass to move all my stuff
off of tripod and to the new location with the absolute minimum of work, preferably using slave labor.
Article six: Pie shall be made available at a time in the future suitable to the
pie demands of the staff of Jelly Pufflemur, but not more than one hundred and eighty days distant from my aunt’s thirty
seventh birthday which may or may not have already occurred.
Article seven: We hold these truths to be self evident, that Dr. Lecter is a shopping
cart full of twats.
Article eight: Analogies this bad "And I will not stop kicking and punching them
until the streets run red with their blood. People will think that they are in Veince, but the water has been dyed red." Shall
forever be outlawed and punishable as a violation of article eight of this treaty.
Do this, and you will live. Do it not, and every last one of you shall die.
|
