So, I don't know if you've heard the rumor, but apparently there is porn available on the internet. How this occured I'm not sure. With the ready anonymity, the near impossibility of tracing things, and the ability to find almost any kind of person with the click of a mouse, it's really surprising that the internet is as fucked up as it is. Almost any search will yield some form of pornography. It's not even all about humans! Hell, look at http://www.livenudecats.com/ for hard core pictures of some SERIOUSLY naked cats.

But aside from saying things like "You have no chance to survive make your time" cats can't talk, or type. I wanted to find some people who were actually responsible for the debauchery on the internet. And not just the porn either, before writing this I thought was boring.. Before writing this I figured porn was all naked people sticking their things into holes. BEFORE this anyways. But like I said, I didn't just want to learn about porn, there's other evils on the net such as:

Terrorist chat rooms,

Crazy Christians

Seanbaby.com

and of course internet cyber sex chats

I wanted to do a terrorist cyber sex chat room as well, but I had trouble finding one.

Having already familiarized myself with Seanbaby I decided it was time to take the plunge and fully dive in to the underbelly of the internet. My first stop was a terrorist chat room. But those places don't really tend to advertise. I did a google search and there were more places where people talked about things that terrorists do than where terrorists actually talked. I guess that's kind of common, I mean there's a thousand and one sites about J. R. R. Tolkien, but there's no site where Tolkien hangs out and chats. I guess I should just be thankful there aren't any terrorist fan fiction sites, or worse yet terrorist erotic fan fiction sites** I probably wouldn't like real terrorist chat rooms anyhow, since they probably speak Terrorist*

*Note: Any language that is not American is lumped under terrorist languages.

**But, in an effort to squeeze in more depravity and piss off the terrorists, I decided to simulate some. I had to do something to piss off terrorists because up til now I've been slamming Bush and his policies of genocide, and I didn't want to seem biased in favor of the lesser evil.

Anyhow, lacking an actual terrorist chat room, me and my friends simulated one:

Jabul M Hoffmanallama: So, what is up, my mujaheddin?

Sheik Slade: Just hating some Americans and Jews.

Roqaba: Yes, we are thinking of new ways to hate Americans and Jews

Jabul M Hoffmanallama: I saw many words to describe hatred on an American website comic called eight bit theater.

Roqaba: It is the great satan.

Sheik Slade: Hold on guys, my mom is making me take out the trash.

Jabul M Hoffmanallama: Did you tell her you were busy waging jyhad?

Roqaba: Yes. She says that Jyhad can wait but the trash will begin to stink.

Sheik Slade: Stink like the stink lines coming off the imperialist devil?

Jabul M Hoffmanalamma: I see you have been hard at work on plans to distribute posters showing the true nature of the great satan!

Sheik Slade: Yes. The stink lines tell you that they are infidels.

Jabul M Hoffmanalamma: What about the plans to blow ourselves up?

Sheik Slade: There's really nothing to blow up.

Roqaba: What about the American embassy in Nauru?

Jabul M Hoffmanalamma: I see your evil unclean mother has let you return.

Roqaba: All I had to do was beat her a bit.

Sheik Slade: Why would we want to blow up the embassy to a country that noone knows exists?

Jabul M Hoffmanalamma: I imagine people would know it existed if we blew up the embassy there.

Sheik Slade: But it would be pointless, the American embassy to Nauru is probably just one guy on a lounge chair who goes and asks the island's government what's up once a week between sunbathing and pina coladas?

Roqaba: Than our mission is clear.

Jabul M Hoffmanalamma: WE MUST BLOW UP THE AMERICAN AMBASSADORS LOUNGE CHAIR!

Sheik Slade: We're going to car bomb the American ambassador's lounge chair?

Roqaba: Well, I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but we ARE Islamic radicals and all.

Sheik Slade: Yeah, yeah, eternal paradise with virgins and stuff, alright I'm game.

The simulation kind of fell apart since none of us could locate Nauru on a map or gain access to lounge chairs or explosives or lighters, or scissors, except for the kiddie scissors our mothers let us have. So I went and made up found some terrorist erotic fan fiction. The below excerpt should not be read. Period.

Excerpt from: Jyhadi Nights

"Osama pumped his toned buttocks and Ayman Al Zawari could not help but notice. He knew that his secret lover, Sylvia Plath, would not approve, but she was an infidel, and he would beat her in a very erotic manner later. Now though there was nothing in the cave except for Osama's toned buttocks, Ayman Al Zawari, and little Ayman, who was growing ever larger and more demanding by the minute in response to the Sheik's playful teasing. Suddenly the radio buzzed on and a voice came across it:

"Hello, we regret to inform you that the infidels have blown up our shipment of lubricant. Repeat, shipment of lubricant has been destroyed." Osama looked up in terror, knowing that he was going to get it rough tonight,"

On to part 2, for more perversion!