Q1: So, you're kind of famous for having over 5000 posts on one of, if not the, most pointless internet message boards in the world. Does the fame and fortune ever go to your head?

Yes... Yes it does.

Q2: Do you have any groupies? If so does it get old going home every night and passing out in a puddle of your own vomit with a woman who's name you won't remember the next morning?

Firstly yes, and passing out in a puddle of ones on vomit is kind of good, because the over exposure to my own stomach acid prevents the build up of acne on my face. I don't usually ask the girls name unless I need her to drive me to the hospital...

Q3: Do you consider yourself to be as big or bigger than God?

According to many, I am God!!!

Q4: You must have trained a great deal to attain the coveted post count. If movies have taught me anything it's that training for anything requires drinking shakes that contain raw eggs. My question, naturally, is what is your favorite cut of meat?

i like the darker meat on the leg bone of a lamb... extra work near the joints makes tastier meat... which is why I suspect hearts would taste pretty good... on a chicken, I like the wings, but don't tell KFC, we have an ongoing feud about that, on cow, I’m not really sure... it's all pretty good once you BBQ it, same with goat, sting ray and quail...

Q5: Sorry, I just realized that question makes no sense in context. Let me just ask how your training went.

well it required answering a lot of peoples questions, bringing up points, and arguing about Star wars, whilst trying to not resort to petty name calling, hair pulling, and drink spiking... kung fu also helps, it keeps you fit and sore... I trained 3 hours straight the night before last, and thanks to me accidentally putting a little to much 'drop' in the 'drop stance' i can't walk now... the egg milk shake thing is good, but I don't put any powder or milk in, just two eggs straight... into a frying pan, with bacon and hash brown... and not those damn McDonalds style "hash brows" which are actually just potato fritters... Damnit it just makes me so mad when people don't know what the hell a hash brown is, it just makes you want grab the waiter by the throat and p-

Q6: What was going through your head when you hit 5000 posts. Were you ever in doubt that you could do it?

the last four were the hardest... actually getting to 100 posts was a real struggle, once you break that barrier, 5000 seems to just be around the corner... but the biggest problem now is complacency, I mean now i don't really care if anyone overtakes me... i mean, i always be cooler so they won't get the same heroes parade...

Q7: So take us through a typical drug soaked and sex filled day for Mr. Barend.

well first i do a line of my own ego, then practice on a concrete punching bag for 20 minutes before darting through the city 'correcting' bad pedestrians, and even a few drivers... that keeps me so busy that sometimes the sex falls off the curriculum, but the sex and violence seem to be like coin, the lack of one leads to the other...

Q8: What are we going to do with all the bodies?

leave them... they can serve as a reminder that sometimes it's just not worth challenging some people to game of pedestrian chicken, and sometimes you should just walk around people once in a while...

Q9: No really, they're piling up. We're going to be in an awful lot of trouble!

oh, just dump them in the martin place fountain... you know, the one from the matrix... someone always puts detergent in there, that'll conceal the smell at least...

Q10: Is this a question you enjoy answering? Answer in big words.

I'm felicitous that you asked, and may I offer my most enthusiastic contrafribbularities for having the encyclopedic implementation of pre-meditated orchestration to present it as it has caused no pericombobulation whatsoever.

Q11: Hadn't I have done better to make this a ten question survey rather than twenty since I’m already out of questions?

yes that was a little short sighted...

so now what?

Q12: Do you ever get splinters in your claws when you level small villages with your massive post count?

no, there's a simple rule to decimating towns and villages... tail and feet to take out stone or cement, fire breath against wood, and claws for waving around in the air...

claws for show, stomp for a pro.

Q13: Who do you consider to be your greatest rival in post count and how will you dispatch them when the time comes?

there are one a thousand or so behind me... but floppydisk posts like 500 a day, so there's a real threat, but i'm a senior member so who cares... i'll always have superior underfoot crushing capabilities...

Q14: I loved your book "Of Mice and Men" When Lenny pulls out a pistol and shoots George in the facee it's such a dramatic moment. Can you tell us what influences led to your writing of this scene?

funny, story actually... i had just robbed this convenience store and got into a rather heated debate with the clerk there about the obnoxiousness of the odor of artificial lavender in concentrate fabric softener and how utterly repulsive it is, when I learned why you shouldn't treat a gun in a conversation like a waving finger for pointing and emoting...

clean up on isle four... A HAHAHAHAH HAHAH AHAH... oh that was a hoot. unfortunate and messy, but... you know....

I guess you had be there.

Q15: Are you tired of this nonsense yet?

getting there...

Q16: Howabout now?

not quite...

wait...


eeeee....

NOW!!!

Q17: Alright I've waisted enough of your time.

you certainly have

Q18: Or have I?

No, I'm pretty much sure you have... I could have had another chapter of LOTR up, but i did this instead, so everyone can blame the next wait on you..

Q19: What advice would you give to young impressionable children who will likely be horribly injured while trying to emulate you?

catch it on film kids!!!

Q20: What advice would you give to young impressionable children who will likely be horribly injured while trying to immolate you?

same as above, but tell me first so i can have a cigar ready...

alright... I grow tired of this... Barend out!