Pat Robertson is a great asset to the crazy Christian baiting community. Mainly because he is what one might call the antithesis of a crazy Christian baiter. He is a normal people baiter. How does he do this? Why, but insulting anyone he can think of in the most outrageous manner possible. Examples:

Remember when Ariel Sharon had a stroke and went into a coma? Much of the world was compassionate regardless of his war crimes against Palestine. Not Pat Roberts though. And he had no problem with the slaughter of refugees Sharon participated in during the Lebanon war. No, his problem, and indeed God’s problem, was that Sharon had pulled out of the Gaza Strip. God was so pissed off by Sharon giving land back to its rightful owners, that he gave Sharon a stroke.

Remember when Hugo Chavez, like, did something? I don’t know what it was, but Robertson sure called for his assassination because of it.

Once upon a time there was a religion called Islam. Pat Robertson called it an evil and murderous religion. Huzzah for tolerance!

But what other silly accomplishments could he boast? Well, in addition to poisoning your mind with hatred for anyone who isn’t white and Christian, he also wants to poison your body with his fitness routine:

Did you know that Pat Robertson, through rigorous training, leg-pressed 2,000 pounds!

Hmmm… I dunno, maybe he just took a picture on the silly leg press machine then photo shopped it? Because there’s no way any human being could leg press an entire ton, much less at his age. For instance, refer to this image:

However, the real answer, is that he has good pancakes:

America loves pancakes! Pancake houses across the country are packed. But what are those syrup drenched, hot cakes doing to our bodies? Putting us on a fast track to weight gain, high cholesterol and adult onset diabetes.

I don’t take any issue with the assumption that pancakes are a deadly poison. But why is there a comma between syrup drenched and hotcakes? The hotcakes are drenched in syrup, thus syrup drenched hotcakes. Where does the comma come from? Did God put it there?

But now there is hope for everyone who loves this early morning treat. Pat's very own Age-Defying Protein Pancakes!

How can there be protein in pancakes? How can they defy age? And more importantly, how much money can I make off of duping people into believing they can? And how big of a disclaimer would I need?

Disclaimer: Consult with your physician before starting this or any new health regimen or supplement program, especially if you have allergies to any of the listed or related products, or are under the care of a physician or other medical professional, or have any other health problems. No specific health benefit is implied or promised from this recipe.

Translation: These pancakes have a nice name and it sure would be nice if they worked. But since they don’t we’re going to ask that you not believe any of what you just read. Also, don’t sue us. This same disclaimer appears on his age defying protein shake and his age defying health butter, and his age reversing low carb ass.

Anyhow, aside from that bit of lunatude, he also fits the requisites for crazy ass Christian status by hating gays and abortionists. He even sent me a free bumper sticker with some stick figures on it. I signed up as a joke with a bunch of communist stuff for my info, but he sent it to me anyhow. The downside is all the non-hilarious sticker junk mail I get from him.

If gay couples want to get married they better learn to cross dress! And they’d better bloody well not marry heterosexual people either!

Terrible heartache is being visited upon homes by the spread of homosexuality. Imagine the feelings of a wife who knows she is sharing her husband with one or more male lovers. Imagine the feelings of a husband who is contending for the affection of his wife with one or more female lovers.

I can summarize that feeling easily: BOOOOIIIIING!

In addition of heartache, given the known proclivity of homosexuals for multiple sex partners, the possibility of contracting venereal disease from a homosexual spouse is very high.

Translations: Homosexuals are dirty perverts. Heterosexual people NEVER sleep around.

I would advise the heterosexual spouse to use every means possible to get the mate delivered from homosexual bondage.

Again they mention homosexual bondage. I have yet to see the place where you go to be enslaved by sexy lesbians. It’s a shame that people like Pat Robertson are the only ones who seem able to locate this fabled land. But while he’s living outside the land of homosexual bondage he’s sure as hell not living in the land of Muslim bondage:

That [teaching Islam in schools] is taking the defense away from America though, because we are under attack by these terrorists, our President has declared war on terrorism. And the terrorists are all of Muslim faith, every single one of them are. And they are attacking America and trying to kill people in the World Trade Center and we are teaching our little children that jihads are cool and this is something to participate in. That’s outrageous!

That is, unless you count Timothy Mcveigh, The KKK, Various anti abortion groups that Mr. Robertson SURELY wouldn’t know anything about, oh and let’s not forget those terrible and non-Muslim people who killed Matthew Shepherd. In fact, it seems like there’s an awful lot of non-Muslim terrorism. And we DO teach our little children that "jihads" are cool. Jihad means crusade in Arabic, and that’s exactly what we’re on right now. There are military recruiters in every school talking about how nifty our own little version of Jihad is.

Here we go again, ladies and gentlemen. I mean, it seems to be no end of what is being done in schools in this country to harm our children.

What is being done in our country’s schools to harm our children and turn them into Islamofascists? We’ll tell you tonight on the two minutes hate, only on FOX.

And California always seems to be the one that leads the way.

Damn them and their respect for other cultures! Damn them I say! But don’t worry, they won’t get away with it if "Operation Supreme Court Freedom" succeeds. What is this operation all about? Well, I’ll tell you:

Pray that the person God desires would be appointed to the Supreme Court. Pray that the President would have courage and rely on God's wisdom in nominating new Supreme Court justices. Pray that the justices of the Supreme Court would rule according to the Constitution as written and not man's opinions. Pray that additional vacancies occur within the Supreme Court.

So, you want the justices to follow the constitution and not man’s opinions? Just who wrote the constitution? Dancing walruses? Oh, and praying for "vacancies" is just a nice way of saying "Ask god to whack a few of the supreme court liberals" Because a supreme court justice is there for life. Supposedly praying for people whose views you oppose to be killed is the path to "The Safety Zone". Don’t ask me, that’s Robertson’s title from the page where I found some of his political views. I wonder if his version is as good as Kenny Loggins’:

Not quite as inspiring as the original, no, but then Kenny Loggins wasn’t such a staunch opponent of the evils of any country that isn’t the US communism

Marxism, at its base, is an atheistic system that has a view of history based solely on materialism.

And capitalism would be what, exactly?

The Leninist model of Marxism demands allegiance at the point of a gun and the violent overthrow of legitimate governments.

Ah, I see. So the governments of Tzarist Russia, Cuba under Battista, Fascist Spain, Nazi Germany, and Diem's Vietnam were all cuddly, legitimate governments before the big mean communists came and attacked. One question though, why did their people want to overthrow them?

But in the present time, with aggressors such as the Soviet Union, Cuba, North Vietnam, and other bellicose powers that are anxious to subjugate their neighbors, Christians cannot sit idly by and say, "Well, we don't believe in war. We will disarm and let those people take over the world." Doing so would be foolish and unbiblical.

Now hear this, Christians of the world! This is a very timely message. Fuck Jesus and his message of peace, you need to go back in time and fight against the Soviet Union(broke up in 1992) Cuba (whose leader is currently eighty years old and armed with a host of chemical weapons, such as arthritis pills) and North Vietnam(Unified over 20 years ago) To not do so would be foolish and unbiblical!

The sooner the government of Iraq is strong and stable, the sooner U.S. and Coalition troops can come home.

Ah, it’s good to know that he cares so much about the Iraqi people "Let’s fix them so we can get home, we’re missing our soaps!"

This is a simple, biblical plan to help end this war soon based on obedience to this scripture: "Pray especially for rulers and their governments to rule well so we can be quietly about our business of living simply, in humble contemplation." 1Tim 2:2 (The Message)

Ok, Tim, you sound like a total suck up and a bit of a wienie. Sorry dude. I’m sure Bush would dig you though.

This kind of sustained prayer for Muslim leaders may never have been done before in Church history! This is a wonderful way to love Muslims with God’s love!

That’s right, love Muslims so that our troops can come home and stop being around Muslims. Just how much do you "love Muslims with God’s love[!]" Pat? I googled "Pat Robertson Muslims" and here’s what I got:

Associated press: NORFOLK, VA. - Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson drew criticism Friday from Arab-Americans for describing Islam as a violent religion that wants to "dominate and then, if need be, destroy."

BBC news: Outspoken US evangelist Pat Robertson says some Muslims are "satanic" and ... He went on to say that "Islam is not a religion of peace",

CNN: Pat Robertson claims"The founder of Islam preached violence."

Media Matters: Pat Robertson referred to Islam as a "bloody, brutal type of religion."

WASHINGTON (AFP) -- A popular US televangelist's accusation that Muslims are "worse than the Nazis"

Media Matters: Summary: On The 700 Club, host Pat Robertson said "Islam is essentially a Christian heresy" that "picked up snippets of the gospels," and other Biblical texts and is now taking "everything that Jesus said" and "transport[ing it] into this fictional Mahdi." Robertson also perpetuated Jewish stereotypes in a discussion about the need for Israeli soup kitchens, stating that "When you think of Jewish people, you think of successful businessmen" who are "very wise in finance and who are prosperous." Robertson later added that "[i]t shocks people" to find out "there's poverty in Israel," because "Jewish people" are "very thrifty"