The US army in Iraq, at a news conference today, announced that they'd made a critical error in their continuing campaign to turn Iraq into a smoking crater.

"We seem to have hit a chap named Zarqawi somehow." A befuddled colonel from Kentucky muttered over a piece of delicious chicken.

A nearby mosque and wedding party said that they believed they'd been targeted, but were cast into confusion when they weren't blown up in a horrific explosion of freedom.

"WTF Where ees teh bombe?" Asked one Iraqi in broken English and 1337 as he gestured franticly at the wedding area.

The wedding and classes continued without incident, and the US ground commander in the area was eventually contacted in hopes that they could be stopped.

General Rex Havoc was defensive about the institution of the US' genocide.

"Mistakes are naturally going to happen when you fire bomb a populated country. We've killed, like, what? A hundred and some odd thousand people since we got here? Just because one of them was actually a terrorist it dosn't mean that we've lost sight of our goals."

Asked what those goals might be he replied by pulling down a map of an Iraq shaped parking lot. Drawn by a branch of Haliburton, the PLDC as it's called in military jargon.

Ordinary Iraqis were skeptical that the mistake might signal a change in US policy against them. We found one in his natural environment:

"Please for the love of Allah stop beating me! No not the dogs again! I told you I don't know where the stolen death star plans are!" Cried Abdul Rassad during his interview to deliver a falafel to the green zone.*

*It's called the green zone because it's the only part of Iraq where any plant matter can survive since US troops only bomb it on Tuesdays.

Another ordinary Iraqi had this to say as he stood atop a pile of rubble, also quickly becoming the natural environment of Iraqis.

"Clearly the US has not forgotten about the little guy. Sure once every year or so they might manage to pick on someone like [Iraqi president and Lord of the Moustache Saddam] Hussein or [Former severed head silly face contest winner Abu Musab Al] Zarqawi, but they still had time to blow up my house and family. I was really worried they'd gotten too big for stuff like that."

We tried to interview an ordinary American, but the Two Minutes Hate was on and all we could get were enraged growls, curses and the occasional bottle thrown at the screen.

Journeying deep within the Ministry of Love we found one citizen who, according to the government, no longer exists. He had this to say:

"You know, he wouldn't have been a problem at all if we'd done the smart thing and just not invaded Iraq." Then O'brien pulled his hair out.

I'm J. M. Hoffman, and that's news to me.