So, lately I've been a bit depressed over the hurricain Katrina disaster. More than anything it blew the roof off just
how horribly divided America is. White and black, rich and poor, superdome and convention center. And, most importantly, sane
and fawking crazy arsed christian. Now, I'm not going to go about yelling "Now testify" and calling for the death of certain
people, no matter how tempting it is. Nope, that's not my job here.* I'm going to try to remain calm and make fun of this statement in the most scathing way possible.
*If you've checked the forums I already did that job when I declared jyhad on this assclown.
Now, I'm not what you'd call a typical American. I cannot do the thing where you hum the national anthem and make a speech
at the same time while a flag manifests behind you. I can locate Great Britain on a map. I don't own any of Jennifer
Lopez's albums. I'm a communist, and I support the right of the Iraqis to fight against American forces invading their country.
But there's a certain line that has to be drawn, right around the point where you start thanking an imaginary god for imaginarily
torturing real live people in your own damn nation. I've never gone that far, and yet some call me anti-american, but the
thing of it is, I'm not.
This country kicks a lot of ass. It has a few problems, such as, ya know, rabid imperialism, a Christian right wing government
out of control, and a media so obsessed with fear mongering that the public stays glued to the screen for five minutes of
commercials to find out what household product could eat their unborn babies, but these problems can be solved, and when they
are I have no doubt that the nation will be all the better for it.
One problem that isn't so easy to solve though is ignorance and hatred like that being spewed by Fred Phelps. Ignorance
and hatred can't be stopped by legislation. You have to stamp them out over decades, over generations. And I'm pretty happy
to say that at the moment Phelps represents a dying and insane minority. Why is it that views like his are disappearing? I'll
tell you why by reviewing this happy little vignette of his he calls "Thank God For Katrina"
It appears for a moment that this is, maybe, just maybe, some good Christian fund raising effort with a mistake in its
name. But to think that is to be ignorant of the rest of this lunatic's site. The name is not a typo. He's quite happy that
thousands of my (and his) countrymen died. Here's the first stupid little statement.
"New Orleans, symbol of America, seen for what it is: a putrid, toxic, stinking cesspool of fag fecal matter."
First of all, New Orleans really isn't terribly symbolic of America. It's more of a Carribean/European city than it is
American. And last I checked the entire city of New Orleans was not populated by homosexuals. I can't believe how easy it
is for this guy to justify any bad thing that happens just by saying "they were fags" I mean, he's answered in one second
a questions that's plagued religion for millenia: "Why do bad things happen to good people? Because of fags."
Anyhow he follows this with some insane and misquoted rambling from the old testament, likely taken out of context. And
then it's back to another wonderful sentence he wrote all by himself with one more bonus sentence.
"America is irreversibly doomed. It is a sin to pray for the good of this evil fag nation."
I really would actually like to see an evil fag nation. I mean, has there ever even been one evil homosexual? I think that
would be cool for a comic book villain. Like Dr. Doom only he'd be a hair dresser. "Hair Dresser Horror will make you look
fabulous... after he takes over your country with his lisp ray!"
"It is a sin NOT to rejoice when God executes His wrath and vengeance upon America."
Yeah yeah, everything's a sin. You know what really is a sin though? What any sensible person would do to someone if they
saw them dancing in the streets and thanking god for a fucking hurricane.
"Pray for more dead bodies floating on the fag-semen-rancid waters of New Orleans.
Pray for more American bodies blown to smithereens by cheap home made Iraqi IEDs - like
the IED America bombed WBC with August 20, 1995 hoping thereby to terrorize us into silence about America's
fag sins."
Hey, ya know what, I'll pass on that. Good job using fag-semen-rancid in a sentence though, I was playing scrabble with
my aunt and she said that wasn't a real word. Well it is now! There are tons of these great new words scattered through out
the site, which is really just one long incoherent ramble. For instance, this one appears on their main page.
"Filthy-faggot-mayor-of the-sodomite-whorehouse-masquerading-as-Duluth-Minn[esota]"
As for his claim about how his poor organization is being terrorized I read that link. Someone put a pipe bomb
near their church. This peniswrinkle just thanked god for a hurricane that killed thousands after he
returned from harassing grieving military families while planning to go stalk the king of Sweden. You know, somehow the guy
who lit that pipe bomb dosn't seem like the crazy one to me. Especially since he didn't make up/quote madness like this:
"Woe to the bloody city! it is all full of lies and robbery; the prey departeth not; The noise of a whip, and the noise
of the rattling of the wheels, and of the pransing horses, and of the jumping chariots."
What the fuck does that even mean? Jumping chariots? I think it might have something to do with what was said on the same
page, though not likely.
"America became WBC's terrorist. So, God, in retaliation, became America's Terrorist."
And just what does God want from America? Well, the answer was provided in another insane ramble:
"The only fruits meet for repentance in today's circumstances are these: Completely rid your administration of fags
and dykes; and, recriminalize sodomy and abortion, and impose the death penalty for these crimes. Nothing less will do. Otherwise,
we warn you again: Expect worse and more of it from that Outraged God your sins have mightily offended."
First of all, noone used meet in that regard any longer, you're an idiot. Second of all, heterosexuals practice sodomy
too. And if sodomy isn't only limited to gays, than aren't there going to be a lot of dead proctologists? Or, if the government
lets them get away with it, aren't their fees going to rise as they turn into medical prostitutes? Also, I think it's kind
of cheatery to say that there's going to be worse. America is a big country and eventually another part of it is going to
get flooded or blown up or set on fire, and then you'll be able to blame fags and say you told us so, but that still dosn't
mean that your crazy arsed god exists, or that you don't belong in a cave in fucking Afghanistan.
So in conclusion, Fred Phelps can create an ubdate from random old testament drivvel and a few run on sentences while other
web masters actually have to work. However that dosn't change the fact that he should be getting hunted by US rangers and
whoring his ass out to local tribesmens' goats in order to get them to hide him. Shit, Osama Bin Laden says things like this,
but the US has actually done things to piss him off besides having fags around. There is one thing Phelps could stand to learn
from Al Qaeda though, namely the art of the suicide bombing. I hope he begins experimenting with that tactic as soon as possible,
preferably in a church full of the three people ignorant enough to support him.
