So as you all know I'm in a bitter dispute with a fellow web master
who dares to call himself a human being, but who has often been accused of being a creature. These allegations were so well
documented by the time they made their way to Jelly Pufflemur (a haven of truth and reliability in an internet filled with
bad news sources such as donkeysexnews.com or whitehouse.gov) that Chyld finally decided to strike back with a lashing rant
on his site, Less Is More.
Apparently he cannot stand to see the truth printed on a website so
popular run by a webmaster so good looking as this one.
Not only did he claim that he was god, and that I routinely had sex
with puppies, but I'm depending on all of you not to point out the obvious falsities in that statement if you happen to go
to his site. What he did do was promote completely unfounded fake statistics. As you all know my friends and I at the Chefelf
5 news own all rights to the American Society for Fake Statistics, or ASFS for short. Did his fake statistic bare the ASFS
seal of approval? No. That means it cannot be validated. Only genuine fake statistics are approved by the ASFS and if I am
to approve this one I demand that Mr. Chyld provide evidence of its falsity.
In addition to my responses to his vicious lies and the time he pooped
on a nun and shouted "oh yeah bitch, how do you like my holy spirit! Wooo!" I've also written An Open Letter to Chyld and his Readership. clearly points out just why Jelly Pufflemur is better. But let me get
right around to rebutting Chyld's statements.
Baseless allegation 1: He has been found smuggling spoons in Columbus,
Ohio! A most hienious crime indeed!
Rebuttle: This may be true, but I did not inhale.
Baseless allegation 2: Behind closed doors, he breeds evil psycho
ninja midget clowns, and sells them to the US Goverment!
Rebuttle: I am proud not to deny this. The ninja clowns were sold
in the forties when we were still the good guys. In my time the nazis won and everyone was sad, so I invented a magic time
machine that runs on love and went back in time to make the allies win. Because of that history was changed. Whereas in my
time crazy asses on the forums talked about how George Lucas was in league with Winston Churchill and Franklin Roosevelt,
now crazy asses on the forums talk about how he was in league with Himmler and the fuhrer. I leave it up to you, gentle reader,
to decide if I made the right choice.
Baseless allegation 3: He uses the funds from this, to fund his addiction
to... snorting dictionarys!
Rebuttle: Yeah? Well ummm... Fuck you then, meany!
As you can see, Chyld is clearly evil, and now for some of my own
accusations which I will call the ninety five theses against Less Is More, only there won't be ninetyfive of them.
Well founded accusation number 1: If Chyld could, he'd slather everyone
you love in barbecue sauce and make them lick it off for his perverse pleasure. He would then video tape it and sell it on
the internet as barbecue sauce licking family porn.
Well founded accusation number 2: Chyld is very likely responsible
for the tunguska explosion.
Well founded accusation number 3: Look at all that mean stuff he said
to me! He made me cry! Therefore you must make him suffer to avenge it! Shoot to wound to prolong his agony!
