The day was going well for Durf Persimmon, as he sat in his office and played Minesweeper on company time. It was already
two in the afternoon, and Durf had yet to see a single incident of violence against bears. He had been employed at Google’s
Bear Protection Department for only three weeks when he realized that if he didn’t want to see any bears get hurt, it
was easiest to simply avoid the bears and play Minesweeper all day. This is true unless you’re playing the deluxe bear-massacre
edition of Minesweeper, but Durf made it a point not to upgrade to Windows Vista. I love Durf.
A knock came from the other side of the door, and the door opened, and in stepped a character who would change the life
of Durf, my love, forever. It was none other than Pand, from R&D. Pand took off his jaunty baseball cap and hung it on
the coat rack like he owned the place. He strolled over to Durf’s desk, carrying a lightweight but surprisingly durable
box with a metal handle.
"What is it, Pand? I didn’t expect you today," Durf said apprehensively, not wanting to take his eyes away from the
expert Minesweeper game he had halfway finished. His eyes darted back and forth between his new companion and the Minesweeper
clock, slowly ticking away to the 999 mark. Oh, Durf. So dedicated.
"Something special for you today, sah!" Pand chirped with a stereotypical Chinese accent. "We work long howa to make something
we think you like."
"Something original this time, eh?" Durf remarked, at this point having decided to concentrate mainly on flagging the mines
around the group of 5s in the top right corner. "Go on."
"We use niblets of special meat and only finest salami to make you into happy surprise!" Pand continued, bouncing the box
in excitement.
"Niblets?" Durf arched an eyebrow at the screen. My Durf has such deft facial muscles.
"R&D secret ingredient. We think you like. Five dolla."
"But I didn’t order…" Durf clicked on a mine. Even my little Durf isn’t perfect sometimes. "Oh, all right."
He pulled out his wallet and handed Pand an Abraham.
Pand set the box down on the desk. "Thank you for patronizing with Rice and Dynasty, California finest Chinese food maker!"
Then he turned into a ninja and disappeared, as Asians are want to do.
Durf picked up the box and shook it a little. He pressed his cute widdle nose to it and inhaled. He knew this smell. He
knew it well. Slowly, he reached for the lid and pulled it open…
It was cat and salami!
Just kidding. It was bear crotches with salami.
