I can't exactly say when planning for Operation: Eagle Strike began. I always had a vague idea of doing something awesome
when Blake came home. However I think the real plot for it began on September Sixth when I read this post in Blake's blog:
"Sept 06
Its safe to say in less than 60 days, I will be stateside, I can see it now I'll get off the plan at El Paso, and just
as my foot hits the ground the silence will be broken with a loud and thunderous theme sound. Much like one from Gundam Wing,
and i'll make my opening statement; "I've returned, once again to this barren land... for me or for another I don't care,
where's my net connection at?" Yeah... its gonna be great. Not to mention I'll be going on leave sooner after I touch down."
It was around that day that I began making small purchases in preparation for Operation Eagle Strike. I will lay out my
purchases in the style of Oregon Trail 2:
October 06 1859
Here begins the journal of J. M. Hoffman, formerly a web humorist. Tomorrow we leave Luray behind to begin our journey
west to Luray. We must still purchase the supplies that our large crackhouse will hold to sustain us during our long trek.
I hope that the following skills will prove of some use along the trail: partying, vomitting, guitar, gaming, swordfighting.
October 20 1859
Decided not to buy a package deal. I can do better on my own! Bought 24 12OZ cans of Sam's Choice Cola, 36 12OZ cans of
Sam's Choice Twist Up, 24 12OZ cans of Sam's Choice Ginger Ale, 36 12OZ cans of Sam's Choice Mountain Lightening, 12 12OZ
cans of Sam's Choice Dr. Thunder, 12 12OZ cans of Sam's Choice Fruit Punch, 24 12OZ cans of Wild Cherry Pepsi, 12 12OZ cans
of Pepsi, 12 12OZ cans of Dr. Pepper, 12 12OZ cans of Mountain Dew, 12 12OZ cans of Dr. Pepper Cherry Vanilla, 6 boxes Gushers
fruit snacks, 3 cans Kraft spray cheese, one box Townhouse crackers, 2 bags of ritz crackers, 1 Tostitos party bowl, 1 package
bacon horseradish dip, 1 bag chex mix cheddar, 1 bag chex mix bold, 1 bag UTZ potatoe chips, 1 bag cooler ranch Doritoes,
1 box chips ahoy, 1 bag black pepper jack Doritoes, 1 bag UTZ tortilla chips, 1 bag Cheetos, 4 Nerds Ropes candies, 1 box
Cheez-its, 1 box Crunch & Munch, 12 servings chocolate and vanilla pudding, 1 can hot cocoa mix with marshmallows, 8 packages
Cup Noodles various flavors, 1 bag Munchies snack mix, 1 bag Ruffles brand potato chips- ruffles has rrridges, 1 bag M&Ms,
1 bag twizzler cherry flavor, 1 bag reeses cups, 1 bag twix, 1 bag milky way, 1 bag snickers, 1 bag nestle crunch, 1 bag reese
cups, 1 box Kudos, 2 boxes of pop tarts, 2 cannisters of chip dip, 1 bottle of peach champagne, 1 bottle of strawberry champagne,
1 bottle of brut champagne, 2 bottles Arbor Mist flavored wine, 20 cone shaped fountain fireworks, 1 container Ronsonol lighter
fluid, 1 lighter, 1 cd player, 1 cd with "White Reflection from the Gundam Wing special Endless Waltz" 1 pair computer speakers,
1 package aa batteries, 2 arrows, paper towels, one banner reading "Welcome Home Blake", fishing line, 1 bow, two arrows,
two sticks, 24 boxes of jujubes, 1 box extra butter microwave popcorn, 1 bag tostitos dippin chips, 1 bottle Irish Cream liqueor,
1 bottle Blue Curacao liqueor, 1 bottle sambuca liqueor, 1 bag shredded mexican cheese, 1 box beef taquitoes, 1 box mini corn
dogs, 1 tub guacamole, 1 microwave pizza, 1 package pepperoni, , 1 box rice crispies with saberspoon, 1 bottle creme de cacao
liqueor, 1 bottle grenadine liqueor, 1 bag beef jerky, 1 bottle tonic water, 1 big effing firework, 1 bag jelly belly jelly
beans, 1 bag skittles, 1 container whipped cream, 1 container chocolate syrup, 1 quart vanilla ice cream, 1 bag chicken dumplings,
1 lighter, 1 box mozarella sticks, 4 cans catfood for Fatcat, jalapeno poppers.
Commander Fatcat inspects the supplies for the operation.
With the soda and bags of chips and such I planned to build a small fortress, using the soda boxes as cinder blocks and
the shopping bags as sandbags, thus creating sort of a military theme. The fireworks would be deployed along the driveway
for an extra impressive spectable. The rockets would light the sky and announce the second coming... of Blake. The arrows
would be set on fire and used to ignite a bonfire, possibly filled with even more fireworks, and all the time the cd player
would be blaring a song from Gundam Wing while the banner flew in the breeze. I also plan to include various dvds and video
games and perhaps a LAN to make things a bit better. Chris The Wizard is supposed to aid in the execution of the operation.
At this moment I have everything but the rockets and the entertainment, and Operation Eagle Strike is set to initiate on the
22nd of November, when Blake returns from the army. It will last about 1 week, for which time I'll be off work and on vacation
from JP.
I bought all of this very slowly, five or so items at a time, and a good while in advance so that noone would guess what
I was planning.
For instance, today I purchased a 24 box massive fucking thing of jujubes on ebay. That should be interesting. Jujubes,
if you dont know, are half way between gummi candi and hard candy. They're flexible enough that you cant crunch them, but
hard enough that they're not gummy. They take forever to dissolve and you end up spitting them out. Blake loves the damned
things though.
It's currently one week until OES. Blake called last night and scared the crack out of me since Charlie was jabbering heatedly,
I thought it meant he wasnt coming. But in truth Charlie just likes to jabber heatedly. So that really made me feel good and
I talked to Blake a bit and he's coming back in just one short week. Five days of work and then my vacation starts and Blake
returns.
I've got a lot to do though. Today, Monday the 14th I returned Blake's room to its former glory. It had been being used
as a storage dump for clothes, papers and whatever else could be tosed in it but in about four hours I was able to clean it
and rearange it to how it should be as well as making sure the tv and other entertainment stuff was hooked up and that thered
be ample seating.
Blake's room in all its splendor.
I'm going to pick up a DVD player so we can watch dvds and stuff, thus completing the whole entertainment fun center. I
also realized we'll need some interesting alcohol so I'm going to try to buy some sambuca schnapps and irish cream. I could
just get some vodka and whiskey but I want to give Blake a real experience, hell I'd get absynthe if I could find some. Chris
still says hes coming and we're probably going to go to West Virginia to purchase some fireworks and traffic them over state
lines illegally.
I also finally figured out how to incorporate flaming arrows into the ceremony. If you've seen any Robin Hood movies you
know that flaming arrows kick fucking ass. I was thinking of using them to ignite some fountain fireworks but today I decided
that instead I'd build a portable bonfire, hide it, and then move it into position when we were ready to begin. I tested that
today because I was worried they might go out or not be able to fly far. I wrapped a bit of paper towel around the tip of
the arrow and then put on some lighter fluid. I lit it, notched it, and tried not to be blinded by the bright flame that was
lighting the night. They're bloody hard to aim, they are. But I shot it and it stayed lit throughout it's flight and through
numerous attempts to put it out. Sweeeeeeet!
I made the bonfire portable by using nothing but some old cardboard boxes. These I stuffed with leaves I'd raked up and
made a pyramid out of them taller than myself. I put a tarp over the whole thing to keep it nice and dry and then left it
infront of the house. I've also been doing some of my own laundry and washing stuff in my room to get it in order so theres
no cleaning to be done during Blake's stay. Chris should be down this week or next to help with preperations. Everything is
going according to plan.
That's not just another random pile of junk. That's leaves and cardboard lovingly marinated in lighter fluid.
November 18, 10 00. Tragedy struck today. Blake has been delayed by about a week, supposedly. Charlie has no clue exactly
when he's getting home and if he does he seems unable to communicate this information in a competent manner. I must talk to
Blake as soon as possible. I must reschedule my vacation as well and I have already talked to Chris, need to find Charles
as well, I think I can call Roach's shop which is owned by his grandfather and have a message passed on.
I bought liqueors and more chips today and also discovered that drunken crazy lorie destroyed my guacamole, and I cant
find anymore. Damn. Anyhow I drank a bit of the liquer and now feel much warmer and better and I'll reschedule my vacation
today.
December Third:
Spoke to Blake recently and know the exact date and time he'll really be home. The tarp is continually being pulled off
my bonfire materials due to ignorance but I don't mind, they'll dry out and I put a tarp back over then once again. Charlie,
in his usual sensitive and intelligent manner, pointed out that Blake probably wasnt going to hang around the house at all
and would just go and hang out with Diana the whole time. That's just his style I suppose and I've gotten used to it.
I made a final purchase today and I'm going to wait to buy the entertainment until Blake is around so he can pick stuff
out. Lorie and Charlie are messing around with Blake's room and painting it and theres about a 50% chance they'll be done
by the time he gets back. I still don't have any rockets, and I think I'll leave that to chance to see if they can be gotten.
On to part 2!
