Game package includes: guide to repetition and free membership in the american homosexual and girl association.
So then, Blake and I kind of teamed up for this review. He did all of the immasculating and humiliating parts (namely playing
the game and buying it) while I do the parts that don't involve touching Nintendogs in any way, such as laughing at my friend's
suffering.
The following account is taken from the notes Blake left behind after he ran off screaming into the desert while screaming
"Big Mike!" and tearing out his hair:
I got this game because some girls told me to, and that's the only excuse to ever buy something this girly. After the initial
teasing and explaining the previous sentence I turned it on. A dog barked and then I got to pick what creature I wanted. I
chose a mini rotwheiler because they might be able to kick ass if they weren't so tiny. Remember, just because you're playing
a girl game it dosn't mean you have to have a gay dog.
Then you get to name your dog. I don't know why but I chose Big Mike, even though it made my dog sound like a mobster or
a porno star. I hadn't counted on having to say it repeatedly for days on end. To teach the dog its name you have to say it.
Over. And over. And over. And over. Jarret (editors note: that's me!) nearly lost several games of Warcraft because he kept
laughing at me, all the while I was forced to obey my Nintendo's commands to chant "Big Mike"
The dog finally realized that I had named him after a loan shark and at that point the game told me to teach him a trick.
It was the same program as the name deal, except instead of just saying Big Mike to a small thing in my hands I had to say
"Roll over Big Mike" countless times. How many people this game got committed I have no idea, but I think when you walk down
a street talking to imaginary dogs you're bound to get at least a few odd looks and tranquilizer darts.
The dog never once did anything resembling a trick, and my Playstation was getting lonely, so that cartridge got put down,
but obviously not hard enough. I started playing again later only to find out that the creature forgot its name. How do you
forget something like Big Mike? Jarret was still laughing at me for it days later, but the dog had no clue what I was talking
about. And the idea of rolling over was still a vague fantasy.
You can mimick this game by finding a retarded dog and yelling nonsense at it, or just by yelling nonsense at an empty
can and hoping it'll roll over. The dog isn't even interesting to watch. The real dog we have here here sniffs Fatcat's butt
occasionally and then Fatcat kills its face. Now I'd play a game like that even if I did have to yell out Big Mike the whole
time. Attention game industry: Forget Capcom VS Marvel VS Jean Claude Van Damme. Start work on "Dog VS Cat butt sniffing battle"
(Edit: Konami took up my suggestion after modifying it a little. Above is a screenshot from "Cat VS Dog VS Predator."
