In this workaday world of constant exhaustion one is generally expected to choose, for themselves, a personal deodorant
product. Some of the more redneck folk might choose to wear a car air freshener on a necklace. Others believe that the latest
fashion brand name which costs ten or twenty dollars will attract ladies into their pants.
I just buy whatever costs the least. But recently I've noticed a fad. Not the gel type deodorants that are cool to look
at. Those are old news. What I've noticed is that every deodorant flavor and color seems to be for active people. Well, that's
all fine and good, but what about me? I have something to keep me smelling like whatever clean webmasters smell like while
I'm working, but what do I do when I'm on the computer?
I'll be honest, when I'm not working, I'm going to make every effort necessary to avoid getting up. All the standard stuff
- having food and drink readily at hand, keeping a sweater nearby incase I get cold, having a comfy chair infront of the computer,
running a direct tube from my bladder to the gutters on the side of the house, etc etc.
The point is, I don't bloody like to be active or "sporty" if it can be at all avoided. So I want a deodorant that's
not going to make me feel guilty for opting out of a marathon or avoiding boxing matches. I want a deodorant that's going
to keep me free of odor and wetness while I rush to update my site before a deadline, or play a game of unreal tournament.
Oh sure, Secret, you might be made for a woman, but are you strong enough for a man who has to deal with fucking Charles
climbing up ontop of the tower and camping with the sniper rifle and the redeemer while his little bastard friends take red
teams flag? GODDAMMIT CHARLES!
Anyhow, I want a deodorant that isn't built for people that, ya know, do stuff. I want a deodorant that can absorb it when
I spill cola all over the front of my shirt after jumping because I got an instant message. Old Spice made a deodorant that's
made for people who drive stupid go kart things (below) but did they ever think of me? No!
If a deodorant company was able to monopolize all the good space I shudder to think what kind of shit company
had to buy space behind the damn tires!
If deodorant companies can hire shitty athletes to advertise stuff for people who arent athletes at all, but would like
to pretend that they are because they sometimes throw a football, why cant they do the same thing for computer and gaming
enthusiasts? What are we supposed to use to keep our underarms fresh while we rapidly move our arms around in order to better
PWN our friends?
Above: Jeanlump Guycrotch, the famous French gamer, waits for a deodorant that can keep him cool during Counterstrike
marathons.
Why is it that people who throw balls at things/other people for a living get deodorant endorsement contracts while this
guy dosn't? I just posted an update I posted last week and forgot about, do you think I'm not all sweaty and humming the theme
from Rocky while I scramble to toss something together? And toss something together I did:
This article brought to you by Right Guard geek strength inactive deodorant!
