I don't know if you can make out the head moron at the podium, but that's senator John Warner of Virginia and he said, without laughter apparently, that "The Virginia will help lead the fight against terror." I knew that to get inside the head of a republican I'd have to imagine what insane scenario could lead to them needing a submarine in Afghanistan, and I think the reasoning is displayed in this fictional conversation:

Bush: Hey, come in to the water so I can use my new anti terror sub.

Bin Laden: You built an anti terror sub? Why are you an idiot?

Bush: I thought, you know, you guys might like, be... building a secret underwater base, like in that movie, ummm... James Brown.

Bin Laden: You are thinking of James Bond, imperialist dog.

Bush: That's what I've been saying all along.

Bin Laden: Now I remember why I declared a jyhad on you.

Bush: Haha yeah? Well we're going to kick your ass. Check it out, all my soldiers say so.

-Screen cuts to ten American soldiers being carefully told what to do to make the president happy by a field marshal. They suddenly notice the camera is on.-

Field Marshal: Ok men, remember what I told you. Answer only in patrio-bullshit-jingo and don't mention the part about the WMDs being imaginary, I don't think he's ready to learn about that yet.

Soldiers: ZIEG HEIL TO THE PRESIDENT GAS MAN!

Bush: Haha, yeah, I kick ass. So who's going to win the war men?

Soldiers: BOMBS AWAY IS Y-- *An improvised explosive blows up beneath them, scattering the soldiers* YAGHABLE!

Bush: See that Bin Laden? We're tough. It'll take more than just one bomb to kill my men.

Bin Laden: That's why I planted proximity mines laced with anthrax where they were most likely to fall.

Bush: That does it! I'm callin you out! Meet me somewhere in 150 feet of water and bring something that will make you visible to sonar.

Bin Laden: Dude I totally told you I don't swim and your anti terrorist sub is a duncefuck idea.

Bush: What kind of shitty evil man are you that you dont have like a sub or underwater base?

Bin Laden: You're the evil one.

Bush: No way you got to be the good guy when the soviets invaded Afghanistan, I want to be James Bondage this time.

Bin Laden: Well that sure explains how you treat your prisoners...

Bush: They're called enemy combatants, and I call being the good guys.

Bin Laden: You're a rich mad man bent on world domination, AND you have a sub! You are SO Bleufelt!

Bush: You wear a rag on your head, so there!

Bin Laden: Ok, howabout we negotiate...

Bush: I remember something about not negotiating with terrorists, but it didnt mention Hans Bleufelt.

Bin Laden: Riiiiight... So howabout...

-30 minutes later-

Bush: Ok so its settled, I'll be arch duke Franz Ferdinand, you get to be Sir Francis Drake, and Tony Blair gets to clean my ass with his tongue.

Bin Laden: I never said anything about that last part!

Bush: It's a condition of our alliance and not negotiable.

Bin Laden: Fucking fine, but Ayman Al Zawahri had better be allowed to wear the fur coat and pretend to be Evita Peron.

Bush: Ok then, now come into the water so I can torpedo you.

Bin Laden: I've never even fucking SEEN an ocean, I live in a damn cave!

Bush: Don't worry, if this global warming thing that isnt happening keeps up, your cave will be part of the ocean very soon.

Bin Laden: When I drive a plane into you I'm aiming for your asshole.

Bush: HA! Impossible, John Howard's back there playing proctologist right now!